Living a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling is one of the most important parts of being human. If you’ve been feeling depressed, unmotivated or stagnant it could be stemming from being disconnected from that which brings you a sense of contentment or fulfilment. Some things that might have caused this disconnection could include:

• An event that changes your sense of identity, such as the end of a relationship, birth of a child, redundancy or dismissal from work.
• An injury or illness that changes your capacity (whether temporarily or permanently)
• Milestone birthdays and other signs of ageing
• A significant loss, such as the death of a pet or loved one.

Lately I’ve turned my attention to the elements that are present in people who feel as though they are living a life that’s meaningful to them. So far, there are three things that I have noted:

• Direction
• Flexibility
• Acceptance

Direction means that they know the kind of person that they want to be, and they consistently take steps towards this. They have reflected on their values and what matters most to them, and have used this to create a set of goals and traits that they strive for. In order to live a meaningful life, it’s vital to know what really matters to you, what lights you up and makes you feel like “You”.

Flexibility is important, because the road of life is ever-changing. If we’re striving for meaning across the entirety of our lifespan, we can’t expect to take a straight, smooth path the entire way. Life is unpredictable and changes happen. There will be times when you will need to prioritise certain aspects over others. Sometimes resources such as money, energy and time will be limited. Your skill-set will grow and and shift, and at times you might not be able to do everything you used to. Being able to change the plan when the road shifts is an important skill, ensuring that you keep moving towards meaning, even if the steps become smaller or slower at times.

Acceptance is vital to ensure that you maintain a sense of self-esteem when you have to adjust your path. The ability to accept where you’re at without shame is an important ingredient. This helps you to feel a sense of ease and contentment, even when the road is rocky and the steps are slow. It helps you to work within your capacity without shaming yourself for not being able to do more.

If you’re struggling to connect with your meaning, or you feel frustrated that the path has shifted or your capacity has changed, it could be useful to explore the following questions:

• What is the direction I want to head in? What kind of person do I hope to be? What are my values? Am I currently living in a way that aligns with this direction, or have I gotten off-track?
• Is the approach that I’ve been taking towards meeting my goals still working for me? Am I trying to live up to standards and expectations that no longer apply? What resources are at my disposal (time, energy, money, connections, tools, environment) and has this changed? Do I need to shift my focus, either temporarily or permanently? Do I need to allow for smaller steps or slower progress?
• Am I placing undue pressure on myself? Am I being honest about what I can reasonably accomplish? Am I working towards a goal that belongs to someone else, but doesn’t actually matter to me? Do I feel “Not enough”? Am I comparing myself to a previous version of myself?

Living a life that feels meaningful is a difficult pursuit at times, and one that requires regular check-ins and reflection. If you’re feeling disconnected from your purpose, are struggling with a big change to your identity or need help clarifying your goals and values, talking with a counsellor can be a useful step. I can assist you to acknowledge the changes and shifts, work through shame and find an approach that honours what matters most to you in your life.