I recently got back from an incredible holiday to Tasmania. My break was filled with adventure-style activities, including zip-lining through the forest, hiking, ferry rides and a special encounter with some capybaras (a lifelong dream for me).

After I arrived home, I was reflecting on how much I have changed over the past few years, and how a previous version of me would never have done those things.

I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life. For a long time, my anxiety was my biggest challenge, and I’m sad to admit that it stopped me from pursuing so many dreams and opportunities. For years, I felt frustrated and stagnant, unhappy with the life I was leading but too stuck to make any changes.

It occurred to me that for a long time, I treated anxiety as a stop sign. Whenever those anxious thoughts and feelings would arise, I would see it as my cue to stop whatever I was doing and return to what felt “safe”. I often interpreted those feelings as a signal that what I was doing was wrong for me, or that I was making a mistake. As a result, I rarely tried anything new. I stayed in a job that I disliked, I remained in relationships that weren’t working, I put off getting my driver’s license, I stalled on new hobbies and interests. My world stayed very small.

Upon a lot of work and reflection, I began to shift my relationship with my anxiety. And I found a lot of things that helped me to understand my emotions and find ways to challenge myself. Slowly, I was able to take on more adventures, seize opportunities and shift out of situations that were keeping me stuck. Here are a few things that helped me to make those changes:

Learning that the anxiety didn’t signal “Danger”, it signaled “Different”

One of the biggest shifts for me was coming to accept that my anxiety wasn’t necessarily an indicator of danger. I have always struggled with change, and anything different or new has always felt scary to me. So it stands to reason that when there was a new opportunity on the horizon, my brain would flag it as a potential threat. My anxiety acted as a warning signal that I might be approaching danger, but it wasn’t reliable. Often, the alarm would sound when I was perfectly safe, or when there was only a remote possibility of hurt.

I worked hard to understand how my anxiety worked to protect me, and to accept that I’m wired to be more sensitive to potential threats. Through this work, I was able to see that my anxiety was more likely to be present when I was doing something new or different, and that if I wanted to make changes, I would need to be able to soothe myself through the challenges.

Building confidence in my own resilience

Part of the reason that change felt so threatening to me is that I lacked confidence in my ability to handle it. I felt quite certain that when a challenge presented itself, I would crumble under the weight of it. I viewed any potential threat as certain doom and ruin.

When I really sat with myself and thought back over my life, I came to realise that I actually had a lot more capacity than I was giving myself credit for. I had faced huge challenges and a lot of adversity, and every time I came out the other side. Sure, some of them were pretty harrowing but I always managed to get myself through and was still breathing and standing when they were over.

I started facing some changes, and taking steps that felt really scary to me. And each time I did, I built up even more evidence that I could actually do the things that I’d been frightened of. Over time, my self-confidence grew and I developed more resilience. I was able to reassure myself that even if I couldn’t be certain of the outcome of a situation, I could be confident in my own skills, resources and ability to cope through some pretty heinous stuff.

Allowing the anxiety to be there, and doing the thing anyway.

The biggest shift for me came when I stopped trying to eradicate my anxiety. For years, I tried every technique in the book to make my anxious thoughts and feelings go away. I believed that I needed to quieten that doubting voice, settle my churning stomach and still my shaking hands before I’d be ready to take a “brave” step. I would never feel “ready” because I still felt anxious.

When I began accepting that the anxiety would always be there, even when I was doing something that was 100% the right choice for me, things started to change. I stopped trying to “fix” the anxiety, and instead allowed it to be there while I was doing the difficult things. I began connecting with my anxiety, recognising it, talking to it even. I stopped trying to ignore it. And when I was paying attention to the anxiety, it got quieter. It’s like the part of me that was trying so desperately to protect me from hurt suddenly felt satisfied that I’d gotten the message, and that I was proceeding with care.

It seems like such a paradox to turn towards the anxiety, rather than trying to calm it down. But for me, it genuinely worked. It allowed me to accept its’ presence. There was a fierce protector inside me that was working to keep me safe, but I am strong enough to heed it’s warning and continue with the hard thing. To me, that felt much braver than trying to make myself “un-afraid”. I found courage in doing things while scared, rather than not doing them at all.

I feel proud of the way that I have learned to work with my anxiety. It’s exciting for me to think about how many things I have achieved and enjoyed, and how the previous version of me would have treated the anxiety as a sign to never dive in, never change, never experience the things that have made life truly rich.