Getting a new pet is typically a time of excitement and joy. However, if you’ve previously lost a precious animal companion, a new pet can bring up fresh feelings of grief. This can be really shocking and confusing if you’re not expecting it.

Losing a pet is heartbreaking. Animals have a way of weaving themselves into the very fabric of our lives, making their presence known in many small and quiet ways. When they die, the silence can be deafening. There are a thousand spaces and moments where you notice that they’re gone and it hurts so much. It takes a long time to accept and mourn the death of a pet that you gave your whole heart to.

After a time, you might decide to get another animal. You feel ready to welcome a new companion into your home and you excitedly start to plan. Finally, you get to pick up your new friend and begin your lives together. It’s a joyful moment and one filled with hope, but it can often be tinged with lingering grief from the pet you’ve lost.

Sometimes, welcoming in a new animal truly highlights the fact that no two animals are the same. Their personalities, quirks and traits are all completely different. And while this is a wonderful thing, it can starkly spotlight the fact that your special pet is really gone and that they truly can’t be replaced. Some people find themselves feeling a touch of resentment for their new animal, because they aren’t able to fill the shoes of the one who came before them.

And while the differences can bring grief, so can the similarities. Caring for a new animal can bring up memories of your old pet that you haven’t thought of in a long time. If your previous pet lived to a ripe old age, adopting a puppy or kitten can revive memories of what it was like when they were young. It can make those memories feel really fresh, and so too the grief of their loss. Your new animal might do something that reminds you of your old pet that you had forgotten, and that memory can be beautiful and heartbreaking all at once.

It’s normal to feel grief at different points after losing a beloved pet, and bringing a new animal friend home is a common point at which these feelings resurface. So what can you do to cope with “new pet grief?”

• First, acknowledge what you’re feeling. Don’t try to pretend that the grief isn’t there. It’s totally ok and normal to feel this way.
• Embrace the fact that two seemingly opposing things can be true at the same time. It is entirely possible to feel joyful about your new animal friend while mourning your old pet. The two feelings don’t cancel out or invalidate the other.
• Take your time to get to know your new pet and understand their personality and quirks. Appreciate their uniqueness and the value that they bring to your life in their own right.
• Allow yourself to take a trip down memory lane and recall those precious moments with your old pet. Although it’s painful, these reminders of their younger days can be a gift. They allow their presence back in ways that you might have forgotten. If you can, welcome the opportunity to revisit those moments and memories.
• Express your feelings. Journal, talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a counsellor who understands what you’re going through.

These feelings of grief when you get a new pet can be very unexpected and shocking, but they’re very normal. They don’t mean that you’ve done the wrong thing by getting a new pet, or that you won’t come to love your new friend just as much as the precious animal that came before them. Be gentle with yourself, acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to feel both grief and joy as they come up during this time.