Picture this: you take a moment to reflect on yourself and your life, and feel content with what you see. Your work is going well, you’ve got quite a few close friends, you’re really enjoying your hobbies and you feel pretty confident in your appearance. Things are looking pretty good for you!

Then you take a moment to scroll through Instagram. You see a picture of a friend’s gorgeous new home, fitted out with clean white furniture and a stunning view. You cast your eye around your own home, taking in the second-hand table, the photo frames your grandma gave you and the worn-out sofa. Your confidence deflates a little.

You see another post of someone the same age as you on a beach holiday in a cute bikini with their partner and adorable children. You feel a sense of sadness thinking about how long it’s been since you went on holiday, how your partner and kids aren’t as picture-perfect as theirs, and how you look nothing like that your bathers.

And so it goes on. You continue to scroll, taking in perfectly posed images of curated lives and comparing what you have to what you’re seeing. You see advertisements where you more closely resemble the “Before” photo and feel fixated on parts of yourself that you never knew needed improvement. Suddenly, that contented life you’d reflected on earlier feels boring, pale, disappointing and flat. You feel frustrated with yourself for not being more disciplined, more successful or more attractive. You suddenly feel “not enough”.

This is such a familiar story, and one that I hear from my clients all the time. I cannot deny the impact that comparing ourselves to others has on self-esteem and self worth. Even if you’re happy with yourself and where you are in life, the moment you begin measuring yourself against others you start to welcome in criticism and judgement. This has been the case for centuries, but social media has given us access to even more examples to compare ourselves to. Whereas 20 years ago, you might only have been comparing yourself to your friends lives, now you have a glimpse into the lives of people all over the internet. And the more opportunities you have to compare yourself, the more likely you are to feel like you’re coming up short.

So how do we combat this? How can you begin building yourself back up rather than tearing yourself down? Here are a few simple tips that you can try.

Limit your time on social media

Yes, I know this one seems super obvious. The less time you spend scrolling mindlessly, the fewer chances you have to find moments of comparison and self-critique. This is especially true if you tend to reach for your phone in moments where you feel down, deflated or anxious. If you’re searching for validation in social media when your mood is low, you are a lot more vulnerable to the sting of comparison. Put your phone down and do something that fills your cup instead.

Try the “Yes…and” approach

When you find yourself comparing your life to someone else’s, make a conscious shift in your thinking. Resist the temptation to compare yourself unfavourably, or to tear the other person down to make yourself feel better. Instead, you might think to yourself, “Yes, this person looks absolutely gorgeous in this photo, AND I also look wonderful”. This “Yes…and” formula recognises the beauty and value in what you’re seeing, and also acknowledges your worth independent of comparison.

Bring it back to gratitude

Instead of focusing on the things that you fear aren’t “enough”, turn the spotlight onto the things you feel proud of, happy about or content with. Think of the qualities that make you unique and special. Consider the things that you’re good at, your achievements and the way that you make the world a little better. List the things you like about yourself and regularly reflect on these. This trains your brain to focus on your inherent worth rather than fixating on your perceived flaws or shortcomings.

Social media can be such a fantastic tool for connection and inspiration, but it can also be draining and demoralising. Understanding the ways that you might be comparing yourself to others, and the impact that comparison is having on your self esteem is really important to beginning to heal and find more ease and contentment.