It’s astonishing how many personal and relationship issues flow back to self-esteem. More often than not, the way you feel about yourself, your belief in your own abilities and your own sense of self-worth is underneath the issue that’s bothering you. Low self-esteem can pop up in all kinds of contexts, and cause so many difficulties. Some of the ways I see it impact people include:

• Holding you back from trying new things or taking chances because you don’t believe you’re capable of success.
• Remaining in relationships that aren’t working because you’re worried you won’t ever find anyone better.
• “Imposter Syndrome”: feeling scared that you’re a fraud, and that any success or connection you’ve achieved is a mistake that could be taken away if people knew what you were “really like”.
• Getting in the way of forming new friendships because you’re afraid that you’ll annoy people or be rejected
• Feeling preoccupied with your appearance, work performance or personal connections and feeling like you’re “not enough”.
• Being able to offer compassion and kindness to others, but feeling unable to give the same to yourself.

Self esteem impacts the way you see yourself in relation to other people and the world around you. If you have a fundamental belief that you’re a bad or incompetent person, then you will see every interaction you have with others through that lens. This can significantly impact your close relationships and friendships. You might fall into patterns of clinging and seeking reassurance from partners, or keeping people at arms’ length so that they don’t have a chance to see “The Real You”. You might also feel deep shame if someone you are about tells you that you’ve hurt them or done something to upset them, because it plays into the belief that you’re “not enough” and that you should have done things better.

Even if low self esteem isn’t the cause of the issue, it can get in the way of you moving past it. It can be challenging to move forward if you don’t believe that you have the capability and resilience to deal with the challenge. You might feel trapped or stuck, because you believe that you aren’t able to try something new or you feel frightened of failing. When you have low self-esteem, failure can seem like a truly terrible thing because it reinforces that belief that you’re worthless or incompetent. When you’re wearing your Low Self-Esteem Goggles, it can be really hard to see a failure for what it is – a learning opportunity and a chance to try again. Instead, it becomes a shining beacon of your incompetence, and it’s really hard to face that risk.

Counselling can be a fantastic tool to address and work through low self esteem. Together we can begin unpacking where these beliefs came from, and work to build stronger belief in your self worth and abilities. I can help to dust you off when things don’t go smoothly and help you to learn from your mistakes. You will feel empowered to make changes and try new things, and have the opportunity to let go of negative self-beliefs that are holding you back.

If you’re struggling with low self-esteem and you’re ready to make a change, I encourage you to make an appointment so we can begin working through this together.