A lot of people seem to be stumped when I tell them that I don’t give my clients advice. Prospective clients will often ask “But if you won’t tell me what I should do, how can you help me?” It’s a fair question. If you’re in a dilemma, the best way for someone to assist you is by telling you how you ought to handle it, right? Well, you’d think so but I’m not sure that’s the case.

Y’see, offering someone advice supposes two things: Firstly, that there is a “right” way to handle a problem; and secondly that you know what it is. Offering advice is essentially saying “This is what I would do in the same situation, and you should approach this in the same way”.

Even if the advice is sound, and offers a great avenue for managing the issue, it might not be right for the person facing the challenge. It doesn’t account for their personal values, their strengths, their resources. And, most importantly, it doesn’t account for what they actually want to do or are willing to do at present.

The idea of there being a single “right” way forward cuts off the opportunity to be creative and come up with a novel or clever way to manage the issue. I’m often blown away by clients who suggest courses of action that I’d never have dreamed of, but which are perfect for them to tackle the challenge and achieve the outcome they want. Moving forward as if there is a single solution misses a lot of opportunities and ideas that can lead to the ideal solution.

Rather than simply telling you what I believe you should do, I’d prefer to support you in figuring out the best course of action for you. Together, we can explore the issue at hand, think about your values and what matters most to you. We can untangle the nuances and review the possible options in front of you. I can help you to figure out what resources are at your disposal and what strengths you can employ in solving the problem. And once we’ve talked it though, there’s usually a clear way forward.

I also believe that the process of working through all these things is vital to helping you feel confident in your choice. If you’re feeling unsure and a bit lost, having someone sit with you and help to work through the options can help things to feel a bit clearer. It’s much more empowering to move forward with a choice that you’ve made yourself, rather than simply doing as you’ve been told. Having the opportunity to find a solution that makes sense to you also reduces the likelihood of regret. There’s a much stronger possibility that you’ll regret doing something that someone else told you to do, than making a carefully considered choice with support.

I’m also not so arrogant as to believe that I know what’s best for you. I have a lot of knowledge and life experience, but I don’t know everything. Only you can decide what’s best for you, and I firmly believe that everyone has the capacity to make choices for themselves and to enact positive change in their lives. It’s just that this process can be overwhelming, and sometimes support and guidance is needed to get you to a point where you feel ready to make the change.

So while I can’t offer advice, I am happy to offer support, guidance, education, encouragement and discussion to help you to figure out a way forward that works for you.