When I ask clients why they chose to be non-monogamous, the answer I hear the most often is “Because it gives me so much freedom”. For many, non-monogamy is a way to place fewer boundaries and pressures on their intimate relationships. It gives them the option of having multiple relationships that are all fulfilling, rather than relying on a single relationship to give them all that they need. It allows for the possibility of exploring new connections that arise even if they have a well-established relationship. Non-monogamy and polyamory offer the option of designing a relationship structure that best suits your needs and values.

I like to think of non-monogamy as a “Choose your Own Adventure”. There are so many ways to be non-monogamous, each with their own benefits and challenges. Exploring non-monogamy presents you with a smorgasbord of options, and invites you to pick and choose the ones that suit you best. With this mix-and-match style of relationship building, the result is a relationship structure or polycule that is pretty unique and unlike the relationships around you.

While this freedom is a fantastic thing, it also comes with a huge dollop of frustration. For monogamous couples, there are endless resources available to help them navigate challenges and problems. Walk into any bookstore, and you’ll see at least twenty different titles aimed at helping monogamous couples to strengthen, rekindle, repair or separate. And while there are plenty of resources that focus on polyamory, they aren’t quite as “one-size-fits-all”.

Although you can easily find resources to help you navigate your non-monogamous challenges, chances are it’s going to be more challenging to find a resource that is tailored to your precise situation. As non-monogamous relationships are wildly diverse, so too are the problems and challenges that can arise. Although there are some common issues that pop up frequently (such as jealousy, communication, creating boundaries and sexual safety) it’s more likely that your polyamory woes will be quite nuanced. It can be really hard to find answers or strategies that suit your specific circumstances. You might find yourself frustrated after an internet deep-dive, trying to cobble together ideas picked from endless Reddit feeds that don’t quite suit your situation.

That’s why it can be valuable to speak to a counsellor who is well-versed in non-monogamy and polyamory. In a counselling session, we will delve into your specific relationship structure and gain a clear understanding of the challenges you’re facing. We’ll figure out the outcome you’re hoping for and work on finding options to achieve that outcome. We can talk in detail about any sticky feelings that are coming up for you and find tailored interventions to help you understand and manage big emotions.

Counselling can be a really fantastic way to work through your non-monogamy challenges. When you’re hunting for answers in a sea of resources that don’t quite fit it can be easy to feel like you’re not being seen or supported. As a non-monogamous person, you’re already living your life in a way that’s different from most of the people around you. It can feel really isolating when you’re trying to solve issues but none of the supports available really fit your situation. I can provide an opportunity for you to express yourself authentically and feel truly heard, as we explore your problems and work towards creative solutions.

I understand that polyamory looks different for every single person who practices it. I know that working through challenges is delicate and nuanced, and starts with a thorough understanding of your goals, values and desires. I would love to support you to work through the challenges you’re facing to help you find peace, fulfillment and happiness in your non-monogamous relationships.

If you’re struggling to find the balance between freedom and frustration in polyamory, I can help. Please reach out to book an appointment or ask a question.