The past can loom large in our minds at times. It can be very easy to get caught up in comparing the current version of yourself to the person you used to be. Sometimes when you look back at your former self, you feel proud of how far you’ve come, what you’ve achieved or learned. At other times though, you might look over your shoulder and wonder “Where did that person go?” Especially when you’re adjusting to a big change, you might feel frustrated that you can’t do the things that you used to be able to do.

“I used to see my friends every day, now I’m lucky if we catch up twice a year”.

“I used to have no trouble keeping up with the housework, but now I’m really struggling”

“I feel unattractive because I don’t look the way I used to”.

These types of comparisons often stem from milestones or big shifts in your life. I see clients who are questioning their worth or attractiveness after a big birthday, a relationship breakup or losing their job. I talk to people who are learning to live with a chronic illness or an acquired disability who feel frustrated. I see new parents who are struggling to keep their heads above water. In each case, the person before me feels like they’re failing, because they’re measuring their success or worth based on an old set of rules.

Here’s the thing though: as we move through life, the rules continue to change. As our circumstances shift, we level up in life and we have to keep adapting. You can’t keep playing by the rules that dictated the old game, because that game is over. It can be really challenging to recognise these changes, and to let go of old ways of doing things.

Sometimes, this involves grieving for the person that you used to be. It can be difficult to let go of the things you used to be able to do, the things you loved but no longer have time for, the parts of yourself that you’ve moved on from. This might involve sifting through those parts, choosing which ones you can integrate into your life now, and which ones have to be put to rest.

It can also be a freeing process. If you’ve been harshly holding yourself to a set of unrealistic expectations, allowing yourself to step outside those restrictive boundaries can let you breathe a sigh of relief. Allowing yourself to decide “I don’t have to do that anymore” can free up so much mental energy for the things you actually want to devote time to. It allows you to see what’s actually important and possible for you right now.

Letting go of old rules and expectations also gives you the ability to enjoy the version of you as it exists right now. It allows you to appreciate the changes that have brought you to this point, and redefines what success and joy look like for you now.

If you’ve been comparing yourself to the person you used to be and feeling frustrated, angry or sad, it might be time to evaluate whether you’re holding yourself to standards that need to be left in the past. If you’d like help redefining what “success” looks like for the current version of yourself, please reach out and book an appointment. I’d love to help you with this.