If I had to point to a single thing that holds people back from booking in to see me, it would be shame. Shame is a powerful emotion that often prevents people from reaching out for help, even when they’re struggling. You might feel ashamed about a choice that you’ve made or something you’ve done. Maybe you feel shame about a part of yourself that you’re frightened to show to the world. Perhaps the simple act of asking for help fills you with shame, because acknowledging that you aren’t coping on your own feels like failure. Whatever the reason, shame keeps you suffering by yourself, when help is just an email away.

The fear of judgement is a powerful force that stops a lot of people from booking an appointment. If you’re feeling shame, the idea that someone will think that you’ve done the wrong thing/ made the wrong choice/ are a bad person is terrifying. When you’re carrying around the heavy burden of shame, the fear of being judged is almost too much to bear.

If you’re reading this and nodding along, there’s something you need to hear and understand: I have no interest in judging anyone. Why not? Because my number one priority is supporting people and helping them to heal, and judgement doesn’t serve that goal. Judgement places additional burdens on people, heaps shame onto folks who are already suffering. And that’s the last thing that I want to do. I’m not interested in making you feel worse, I want to help you to feel better.

I truly believe that every person is worthy of support, kindness and safety. You don’t need to prove your worth to me, or earn my respect or gain my trust. You already have it. I’m not tallying up the things you’ve done wrong or pointing out your less-desirable qualities. I’m listening so that I can understand who you are, what’s going on in your head and your life, and what you need my help with.

In addition to that, I consider it a privilege when people open up to me and share their innermost thoughts and feelings. Sometimes clients share things with me that they’ve never said out loud, that they’ve never voiced to another person. If you’ve embraced your vulnerability, and let me see something deep, dark or delicate then the last thing I want to do it point to make you feel bad about it. I want you to feel safe, and you can’t feel safe if the threat of judgement is looming around the corner.

So no, judgement has no place in my counselling sessions. I won’t judge you or shame you. I will treat you with respect and compassion and help you to feel safe enough to let go of your shame and work through those things that you’ve been holding onto out of fear.