Beginning your counselling journey is a huge step. It can be intimidating to consider opening up to a complete stranger, especially if the issue you’re bringing to the session is something that feels painful or embarrassing. Maybe your anxiety springs from the thought of confronting an issue that you’ve been carrying around for a long time, which you know is going to bring up a lot of intense emotions. Perhaps you feel scared that your counsellor will make you do things that you don’t want to do, criticize you or judge you. It could also be that your worries are centered on more practical matters like cost or confidentiality.

Whatever your concerns, it’s very natural to feel anxiety before your first session. I’d like to take a bit of time to unpack some of the common fears that people have around beginning counselling, in order to help you feel more confident to ask for help if you need it.

“I feel scared to open up to a stranger”

The idea of spilling your deepest secrets and most personal thoughts to someone you’ve never met can feel terrifying. If you’re the kind of person who rarely talks about their feelings, even to those closest to them, then talking to a stranger about it can feel impossible.

Firstly, counsellors are trained to help you feel comfortable and safe. I understand how difficult it is to open up, and I will ease you into the session gently and carefully. You don’t have to talk about anything you’re not ready for.

Some people find that once they’re in the session, they open up easily. Somehow, knowing that your counsellor is completely unattached from your world and is simply there to help can be freeing. You might feel more confident spilling your story to me because I’m completely impartial. Even if you tend to be quite guarded, the safety of the counselling environment might help you to share things that you’ve never said out loud before.

“I’m afraid to confront difficult emotions or painful memories”

This is a big one. If you’ve been carrying around worries for a long time, grappling with thought patterns or unhelpful behaviours or are dealing with a major life event, confronting that is going to be hard. It is probably going to hurt. And if you’re already hurting, the idea of inviting even more pain into your world can be too much.

But here’s the thing: you have to go through the pain in order to heal from it. On the other side of that hurt is relief.

I will help you to feel safe and supported while you’re going through that pain. You’ll be able to express yourself freely, and have someone to comfort you, empathize with you and witness what you’re going through. If it gets too much, we can take a break and dial it back so that you can feel calm again. We’ll go at your pace, only facing the difficult bits when you’re ready to do so.

“Counselling is expensive, I don’t want to waste my money”

It can be difficult to justify spending money on counselling sessions, particularly if money is tight. It can be tempting to push it away and put it off until later, but the sooner you get help, the easier it will be to heal. Counselling is a form of self-care, it’s a way of looking after yourself so that you can be a happier, more focused and more confident version of yourself.

Some people worry that once they start counselling, they’ll be “locked in” and committed to attending regularly for a long time. They see it as a long-term expense. In reality, this isn’t the case.

My goal with counselling is to empower my clients to learn skills and confidence so that they don’t need me any more. Counselling isn’t supposed to last forever, it lasts as long as you need it. I don’t ask clients to commit to a set number of sessions, and you’re free to end counselling at any time for any reason.

If money is tight, we can look at having less frequent sessions that suit your schedule and budget. There’s an assumption that you need to have weekly sessions to make progress, but if fortnightly or monthly sessions is what you can afford, then we can do that. Plus, having a bit of breathing space between sessions gives you a chance to practice any techniques we’ve learned and experience the shifts in your world.

“What if my counsellor judges me or criticizes me?“

This is probably the most common fear that people express to me. I get so many enquiries that begin “I really want help, but I don’t want you to judge me or think I’m a bad person”.

Firstly, it’s not my job to judge you. I’m not here to decide if you’re good or bad, right or wrong. I’m here to gain an understanding of who you are and what you need. I’m here to help you, not tell you what you’re doing wrong. We’re all human, we all have messy feelings and do things we’re not so proud of. I’m here to treat you like a person, not a problem, and help you to find a way forward.

Secondly, although your issue might feel big or shameful to you, chances are it’s not the first time I’ve worked with a client on a similar issue. I’m unlikely to be shocked or disgusted by anything you tell me. So if you’re scared to talk to me about something that feels weird or strange or bizarre, don’t be! I’ve probably heard it before.

“I don’t want anyone to find out that I’m seeing a counsellor”

We’ve come a long way with regards to the way our society views mental illness and the need for support. However, there’s can still be stigma around seeing a therapist. Some folks feel like asking for help is a sign that they’re a failure, that they’re “not strong enough” to manage alone. Others might fear their employer or friends finding out and making assumptions about their competency or stability. Whatever the reason, it’s perfectly valid to want to keep the fact that you’re seeing a counsellor private.

Counselling is completely confidential. Nobody has to know that you’re seeing a counsellor unless you want them to. One of the reasons that I offer telehealth sessions is that it is a way to protect my client’s privacy. You can attend sessions in the privacy of your own home or office, you don’t have to worry about running into someone you know as you’re leaving a session, and I use a secure video-chat platform that’s been developed for Doctors and other health professionals.

“What if the counsellor tells me to do things that I don’t want to do?“

I use a person-centered model in my counselling, which means that I treat the client as though they’re the expert of their own life. I don’t give advice or tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do. Our sessions will go at your own pace, and you don’t have to talk about anything that you don’t feel comfortable with.

If you’ve come to me for help with making a decision, I can support you in exploring your options, coming up with creative solutions and finding one that aligns with your goals and values. I won’t tell you what I think you should do, or tell you that you’ve made the wrong choice.

You don’t need to worry about being told to do something that’s not right for you, because that’s not how I operate.

Hopefully, this has put your mind at ease a little and you feel more confident about beginning counselling. If you’re still uncertain, or you have a concern that hasn’t been covered in this blog post, please feel encouraged to reach out to me. I’d be happy to answer any questions via email, or you can book a free 10-minute consultation with me to ask questions or explore any reservations that you might have. My goal is to give you the courage and confidence to reach out for support if you need it.