Emotions are tricky little things. They bubble up, unbidden and involuntary, and can lead us to do some pretty wild things. We’ve all been in a situation where we suddenly feel a rush of emotion that takes us from zero to eleven in a matter of seconds. We all know what it can feel like to be driven by our emotions. Emotions can cause so many headaches and problems, and often they’re the reason that’s brought someone to see me for counselling.

A lot of people believe that counselling will help them to eliminate certain emotions. They’re feeling overwhelmed by emotions such as anger, jealousy, frustration or grief and they want help getting rid of them. Unfortunately, there’s no way to remove particular emotions from your life. Feeling the whole spectrum of emotions is just a part of being human, and every emotion has a purpose. So instead of trying to stop you from feeling a certain way, our goal is to change your relationship with your emotions.

Working to understand and explore emotions is a key part of counselling. There are so many different ways that we can work with emotions to bring you more understanding, control and space.

Identifying emotions

A lot of us struggle to identify and name our emotions. You might recognize that you feel “bad” or “upset”, but it can be difficult to put a label on the actual feeling. This is unsurprising when you consider that a lot of us don’t spend much time thinking about our emotions. Particularly when it comes to emotions that feel unpleasant or intense, it can be easier to try to shove them aside rather than looking closer. Emotions can also be really complex, so instead of feeling a single emotion, you might be dealing with a whole bunch of them hiding behind one another. If you’re feeling awful, but feel overwhelmed when you try to identify what’s really going on, we can spend some time delving into your experience and working out specifically which emotions are coming up for you.

Exploring emotions

Once we know which emotions we’re dealing with, we can begin getting to know them a little better. In order to understand your emotions, you need to find out how they feel in your body. We can spend some time exploring how specific emotions show up for you, what tends to bring them on and how you feel when they’re present. Emotions are like messengers, trying to convince us to behave in certain ways. Some of them try to get us to avoid things that are unpleasant, some try to get us to move towards things we want. Others try to motivate us, protect the things we care about, encourage us to rest and so many other things. Part of exploring emotions involves understanding “what is this emotion trying to tell me?”

Finding healthier ways to respond

Once you understand the message that each emotion is sending you, you’re able to begin deciding if you want to act upon that message or not. This can be a powerful turning point if you’ve felt controlled or overwhelmed by your emotions. Being able to step back, identify what’s going on and then make a choice about what you want to do next is empowering.

Many of us weren’t taught how to deal with our emotions when we were growing up. As a child, were you sent to your room whenever you were angry or frustrated and told “you can come out again when you can behave?” If so, you probably had to find your own ways to manage your emotions, and it’s likely that these methods aren’t working for the grown-up version of yourself. Maybe you try to push certain emotions away for fear of being punished. Maybe you turn your anger inwards and seethe quietly to yourself. Perhaps you get huffy and aggressive. In any case, we can begin working to identify these old patterns, and then find more helpful ways to respond when big emotions hit.

Gaining control over emotions

Once you’ve learned to identify your emotions, understand the messages they’re carrying and choose your responses, the way you experience your emotions will begin to change. You’ll begin to feel as though you’re in the driver’s seat, no longer being driven by your emotions. You’ll feel less fear or anxiety around certain emotions, because you’ll be more confident that you can handle them if they come up. You’ll develop greater emotional intelligence, which can enhance your ability to communicate your needs, improve your relationships, make you more assertive and feel calmer and more settled within yourself.

If you feel overwhelmed or controlled by your emotions and you’d like some help exploring that, please feel encouraged to get in touch with me. I’d love to give you a hand.