Most of us link the word “grief” with “bereavement”. Although grief is definitely present when someone close to us dies, it’s not the only time that this big emotion will pop up in our lives.

“Grief” refers to the feelings of sorrow, sadness and mourning that are brought on by a loss. This loss doesn’t have to relate to a death, and most of us will experience grief many times during our life. Sometimes you might not necessarily realize at first that what you’re feeling is grief, particularly if it arises in response to an event that you hadn’t really considered to be a “loss”.

Grief might show up in your world in a variety of different situations:

• When you lose your job or are made redundant
• When you move house or relocate to a new town, or when someone important to you moves away.
• After an injury or illness that changes the way your body looks or functions.
• After a relationship breakup or a divorce
• When a close friendship ends or changes
• When your children reach certain milestones or show signs of growing up, such as learning to walk, starting school or moving out of home.
• When you notice that a beloved pet is showing signs of age or illness.
• When you miss out on something that you really wanted, such as a job application, an offer on a new house, a promotion or scholarship.
• When you lose or break a prized possession.
• When you begin to transition to a new stage of life, for example retirement, post-menopause or after graduation.
• After a significant birthday.

It’s also common for grief to go unrecognized in a lot of these situations because you might not immediately think of them as being a “loss”. In some cases, what we’re grieving isn’t a person or thing, but rather a concept or idea. You might feel grief for the person you used to be, or the version of yourself you won’t get to become. You might feel grief over the end of a particular chapter of your life, or the loss of opportunity to create the future you’d dreamed of. You can feel grief in anticipation of something that hasn’t happened yet, but which you can see looming in the future. And you can also feel grief for things that never were, things that were hoped for but never held.

Grief is such a complex and challenging emotion. It morphs and changes, shifting over time and curling around you in many unexpected ways. It brings with it a host of other emotions: sadness, anger, guilt, frustration, relief. It can subside for a while and then come roaring back in response to the tiniest of reminders. Some days it’s easy to carry, others it feels nearly impossible. If you’re struggling, but aren’t aware that this “thing” that you’re feeling is grief, it can be so difficult to understand what’s going on. You might feel broken or confused, unsure of what to do to cope.

Grief counselling can be a really helpful tool in scenarios like this. If you’re going through one of the events I’ve described above, and you’re grappling with big emotions, it’s possible that you might be grieving without even realising it. If you’d like support to sift through your emotions, someone to listen to you and help you to understand what’s going on, I’d be happy to help. We can work together to explore the emotions that are coming up and find a way forward that supports you.