Self-esteem struggles are one of the most common reasons that folks reach out to a counsellor for support. Whether you’re aware that low-self esteem is dragging you down, or if low self-worth is underpinning bigger problems in your life, talking to a counsellor can be an important step in improving the way you see yourself.

Self-esteem is the confidence we have in our own abilities and worth. It’s the way we see ourselves, and whether or not we believe deep down that we are worthy, capable and good. You might have low self-esteem if:

• You find it easy to be supportive and kind to others, but struggle to be compassionate to yourself.
• You’re critical of your own performance, appearance and abilities, holding yourself to impossibly high standards
• You have a stream of negative self-talk running through your head.
• You worry that the people in your life wouldn’t like you if they knew the “real” you, and feel worried that it’s only a matter of time before they realize that you’re not a good person at all.
• You put everyone’s needs before your own, and feel guilty about asking for what you want.
• You feel as though your achievements and successes might be the result of good luck or an accident, rather than your own abilities and hard work.
• You find it hard to think of your positive qualities, but have a long list of things you don’t like about yourself.

When you feel down on yourself, you might find yourself stuck in patterns of behaviour that don’t serve you. Some examples of the ways that low self-worth might be impacting your life include:

• You enter into relationships with people that aren’t a good fit for you.
• You maintain relationships that are unfulfilling, unhappy or even abusive.
• You experience burnout because you give so much but take very little for yourself
• You stay in a job that you dislike, never looking for new positions or applying for promotions.
• Your friendships feel one-sided and unbalanced.
• You never try new things, even things that are really exciting to you, because you feel afraid that you won’t be good at them.
• You hang back from attending parties and social events because you worry that nobody will talk to you.
• You rarely offer your ideas or opinions for fear that they’re “stupid” or that other people will dismiss them.
• You feel constantly stressed and anxious because you put a lot of pressure on yourself to be “perfect”.
• You neglect your own self-care because you feel guilty about spending time on yourself.
• You struggle to set and maintain personal boundaries.

If these things are ringing true for you, you’re not alone. As I said before, self-esteem and self-worth are at the root of a lot of the issues that bring people to counselling. Counselling can be a wonderful tool to help you work through the initial problems that you’re facing, as well as delving into the sticky issue of low self-esteem.

Working on your self-esteem can be quite complicated and it feels daunting at first. After all, if you don’t believe that you’re valuable or worthy, the thought of working to build your confidence might feel self-indulgent or navel-gaze-y. It can also be a scary idea, because often our self-esteem has been damaged by traumatic experiences, difficult relationships and years of self-doubt. During counselling, you will be supported to work through these things at your pace, exploring gently and slowly. You’re worthy of the time it takes to examine these issues and unravel the unhelpful thought patterns that have built up over the years. And as you begin to move through this work, it will be easier for you to see how amazing you are and how worthwhile this process is.

We all deserve to feel confident, capable and worthy. Yes, even you! You are worth the time and effort to clear away the debris from years of negative self-talk and low self-esteem and begin feeling stronger, more confident and more capable. And when you do that, you’ll be amazed at the bigger changes that you can make in your life, to move ever closer to a life that’s meaningful and fulfilling to you.

If you’re struggling with low self-esteem and want support to work through it, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to work with you to build up your confidence and empower you to feel worthy and capable.