Decision-making is one of the most universal challenges that we all grapple with. Some people find it easy to be decisive, quickly arriving at their choice with barely a backward glance. But for most of us, figuring out how to proceed when faced with a decision can be a real struggle. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about a big decision you have to make, working with a counsellor can be very helpful. Decision-making is one of the most common challenges that I see in my practice. Sometimes sessions are devoted solely to making a choice, and sometimes the decisions are wrapped up in bigger struggles like grief or burnout. If you’re feeling stuck when making decisions, you’re definitely not alone.

A lot of folks will make an appointment to see a counsellor hoping that they’ll be able to tell them what to do next. They have an expectation that they’ll lay out the entire situation, the counsellor will look at it objectively and say “here’s what you should do, this is the correct choice”. But in reality, it doesn’t work that way. Although a counsellor won’t make the choice for you, what they will do is much more empowering.

Although you might be hoping for a clear answer about what the objective “right” choice is, the truth is that usually what seems “right” on paper isn’t actually “right” for you. The “correct” answer doesn’t take into account your individual circumstances, your needs, your wants, your resources and your strengths. Real life choices aren’t black and white, and it’s the shades of grey that make them so challenging. Working with a counsellor gives you an opportunity to really explore all of the options, your feelings around them and figure out what will actually work best for you.

Often, when you’re faced with a big decision, you know deep down which choice you want to take. It’s sitting there in your gut, whether you’re able to feel it or not. Usually though, there’s a lot of barriers to simply choosing that choice. There might be practical considerations to sift through. That choice might be surrounded with fears and anxieties that leave you to question it or try to set it aside. You might feel frightened that you’ll be judged or criticized for taking that path. And it’s these sticky emotions and considerations that make it difficult to simply choose the option that we actually feel that we want. 

You might find yourself getting stuck in a whirlpool when you try to work through those emotions and thoughts on your own. You take a look at one option, realise that if you pick that one then it will have an impact on other areas of your life, those impacts will have emotional consequences that feel too overwhelming to face so you discard that option. You look at the next one and realise that it doesn’t have as many consequences but it also doesn’t get you to where you hope to be. And so you end up going around in circles, weighing, questioning, rejecting, avoiding, exploring, retreating. It’s exhausting.

For example, you might be trying to decide how to deal with conflict in a relationship. Deep down, you feel like you want to end the relationship but when you think about doing that it feels too big. You realise that breaking up with your partner will hurt their feelings. It will mean you won’t get to go on the holiday you had planned, and you might lose money if you try to cancel it. You worry about how your friends and family will react, and how challenging it will be to be single again. You see months of stress and upheaval and it feels too difficult so you discard that option. You look at other options but none of them feel right either. The truth is, deep in your gut you know that ending the relationship is the thing you want to do, but actually making that choice feels like Too Much.

Talking to a counsellor lets you get all of those thoughts, fears, practicalities, judgements, worries and anxieties out of your head. You can talk it through with someone who isn’t involved in the situation and isn’t trying to influence your choice in any way. Your counsellor has no skin in the game, they don’t have anything to gain or lose based on your choice. You’ll be supported to work through those emotional blocks and problem-solve the practical parts of the equation. Counselling helps you to organise the messiness that’s tumbling around in your mind so that you can see the bigger picture with clarity.

Working through your decision in a supported way is a very empowering process. It gives you a bit of room to sort through your options. This process can build the confidence to make a choice that’s right for you. A counsellor can also offer continued support as you follow through with your decision, managing those fears, anxieties and practical problems that might pop up along the way. Making a big choice can feel a lot easier when you know that you don’t have to do it completely by yourself. Having a supportive professional in your corner can give you a boost to move towards the choice that will put you on the path to where you want to be.

Supported decision making is a gentle, client-led process that helps you to find not just the “right” choice, but the choice that is right For You.