A lot of folks feel hesitant to reach out for grief counselling because they aren’t sure what to expect. It’s time to demystify the grief counselling process so that you know what it’s all about and how it can help you when you’re going through a loss.

There’s a misconception that grief counsellors work with their clients to help them to “get over” their loss. While some grief counsellors do take this approach, that’s not how I view grief work. Grief isn’t a problem to be solved. When you’ve experienced a world-shaking loss, there’s no “getting over it”. It has happened and that can’t be changed. There’s nothing that I can say or do that will alter the fact that you’ve lost someone or something that meant the world to you. My goal isn’t to help my clients to forget their loss, or try to transform it into a positive experience.

Loss is gut-wrenching. It’s painful and difficult. And it can be so isolating. The aim of grief counselling is to provide the client with support and empathy so that they feel less alone as they experience the loss. Often, when we’ve experienced a significant loss the thing we need most is for someone to be with us, to really hear what we’re saying without jumping in with advice; to show empathy and compassion and validate what we’re going through. We need a safe place to talk about our emotions in as much detail as we need. We need someone who will listen as we tell stories of the person we’ve lost, who won’t get uncomfortable with big emotions. We need someone to be present with us in our grief.

There’s an expectation in our society that grief has a time limit, that you’re supposed to hit certain milestones at particular times and eventually go back to “normal”. I find this to be an unhelpful way of looking at grief. Firstly, every loss is different and there’s no way to measure where a person “should” be at any point after the loss. They are where they are. Grief counselling can help you to accept the point that you’re at. There’s also no going back to normal, because loss changes you. You’re never going to be the same as you were before this experience. That doesn’t mean that things will never be good again, or that you’ll never feel joy or love. But it can take time. Sometimes a long time. I work with my clients to help them figure out who they will be as they move forward.

Grief counselling can also be a source of comfort and support as you navigate certain milestones, such as anniversaries or special dates, or deciding when you’re ready to undertake particular tasks. I can provide support as they consider whether they’re ready to clean out their loved one’s belongings, or take off their wedding ring, or begin dating again. And I can help them to plan these things to honour their feelings and support their needs. My work is person-centred, meaning that we go at the client’s own pace and I don’t push anyone to do anything that they’re not ready for.

Grief counselling isn’t about taking away grief or fixing what’s been lost. It’s about supporting someone as they navigate their experience of grief. It’s a gentle process that’s underpinned with compassion and empathy. We’re working together to help you to integrate that loss into your life, not to move past it or pretend it didn’t happen. Grief work is emotional and painful, and it can help to have the support of someone who will walk beside you and help you to feel less alone in your grief.

If you’ve experienced a significant loss and would like support or someone to talk to, please get in touch. I’d be honoured to help you.