One of the key components of Person-Centred counselling is the idea that each person is the expert of their own life. When I tell clients this, it’s met with a range of responses.

Some folks find this idea empowering. They might have spent years, decades even, being told that they don’t know anything or that they aren’t capable of making their own choices. They might feel lost, or be battling low self-esteem. Having someone tell them that they’re the expert of something can feel like they’re being seen and respected for the first time in a long time.

Other folks feel a sense of relief. Some people are hesitant to go to counselling, because they don’t want to be told what to do. They’re afraid that the counsellor will try to force them to make choices that don’t make sense for them or tell them that they’ve been living their life all wrong. Person-centred counselling is non-judgemental, and I don’t presume to know what’s best for my clients. I aim to work with each client to discover their values and goals, and support them to make choices that move them closer to that which is important to them.

By far the most common response I get is disbelief or denial. I see so many clients who, upon hearing this phrase, answer with “You think I’m the expert of my own life? I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing! I was hoping that you could tell me what to do next!” Sometimes there’s confusion from the client because if they’re the expert, then what do they need a counsellor for?

It’s important to note that the definition of “expert” is: a person who is very knowledgeable or skilful in a particular area. This doesn’t mean that you know absolutely everything there is to know, only that you know a great deal. And every person on this planet knows themselves better than anybody else does. Even the people nearest and dearest to you don’t know all of your innermost thoughts and feelings. Some things are only known by living in the world as you.

So you’re the expert of your own life. You know more about it than anyone else. And I, as the counsellor, have knowledge and skills that you probably don’t have. I understand how our brains and nervous systems work. I’m skilled in working with emotions, problem solving, finding techniques to manage a range of difficulties. I understand the nuances of grief and loss, and can help guide a client through difficult situations. But in order to make any of that knowledge useful, I need to know what you’re going through and how you’d like things to be different.

So, although you might not know what to do next, and I don’t yet know how to apply my skills to assist you, between the two of us we can pool our knowledge. Counselling isn’t about one person telling another person what to do, it’s about two people coming together to collaboratively and creatively face a challenge. My goal is to gain an empathic understanding of what you’re going through in order to find ways to assist that work for you. Every client is different, every session is unique, there is no one-size-fits-all. And that’s one of the reasons I adore counselling. I enjoy getting to know my clients and helping them to see their expertise and agency, to empower them to make positive changes in their life.

You are the expert of your own life. But that doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers, all the time. Sometimes even experts need help. And that’s when you can call on me to listen, to ask questions and to empower you to move forward.